This post was written by Rachel; a Member in the A Weigh Out Circle
A few months ago I recognized the need to for me to stop counting calories. I am done with ‘watching my weight’. I don’t weigh myself anymore. I don’t measure calories anymore. I learned two issues about myself when I did these things.
1- I felt like I didn’t trust myself.
2- I was focusing more on what I was eating then why I was eating.
So why do I eat? I eat to nourish myself and I eat to enjoy food. I also eat to feed my emotions. Sad? Eat. Angry? Eat. You know the drill; you may even do it too. Here’s what I know. I don’t eat to punish myself. When I eat to feed an emotion it is to get that emotion out of my head. Why? Because the emotion is too painful to deal with. When our children are in pain what do we do? We hug them and soothe them. When I’m in pain what do I do? I soothe myself with food. It’s a method I’ve been using for 30 years and by golly I believe it works! Well sort of…
After soothing myself with food I am usually beating myself up and I’m telling myself that I am too fat or I am too weak or I am just a bad person…blah blah blah. Enough! [private_membership circle]Let’s think about it. I am not eating to be self-destructive I am eating to soothe myself. So let’s stop the beating myself up.
Do I want to stop using food as a way to soothe? Of course I do. But I don’t think that will work if I focus on a diet- for the reasons I mentioned above. When I use food to soothe I can recognize it. I can even say to myself, ‘Self, you are thoughtful. You want to take care of yourself and you want to alleviate pain. I can appreciate that. So let’s explore why you are in pain…’ But I don’t want to beat myself up.
Somewhere in my efforts to maintain a healthy lifestyle my efforts got railroaded back into a common train ride I’ve been on for over 30 years- the diet. I went from working to be healthy and mindful to thinking that thinness was the cure for all the pains me. That just isn’t true. Knowing that thinness isn’t a cure I want to stop turning to it as THE CURE. I want it to become the side effect.
Certainly being obese is not helpful. Being overweight isn’t that helpful for skiing down mountains or hiking up them. But is it the end of the world? No. Am I a bad person if I carry extra weight? No. Just the other day I was thinking about a good friend of mine, a great friend. She is smart and fun. I love being around her for the fun we have and the lessons I learn. She tells me when she thinks I am doing something harmful to myself or others and she supports me when I recognize issues with myself. I am very comfortable being around her and she feels the same. Her weight is if no consequence to me. If she is thin/fat/big/small I don’t care. So why should I be so critical of myself.
I have boarded a new train, one where I can love myself at any size and I won’t let weight get in the way of any activity. Just the other day I was in the supermarket. Out of the corner of my eye I saw someone I worked with at my old job. She and I were losing weight at the same time. She was very successful. She still looks great. I started to doubt myself. Do I look great? Do I look as good as I did when I left the old job? I slid around the market so I wouldn’t have to look her in the eye. Is that crazy? At the end of the day I am still ME. Why would she judge me on my weight? Why would I care?
I am excited that I’ve realized what dieting was doing to me. By dieting I was still pushing my emotional feelings away. Instead of focusing on emotions I was focusing on how many calories? Am I getting enough fiber? How about calcium? Should I really drink that extra glass of milk if I don’t want it but I haven’t hit the right calcium number for the day?
It’s time to trust myself and take the focus off the food and put the focus back on me.
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Ellen Shuman is a Life Coach who specializes in emotional and binge eating issues. She is the founder of A Weigh Out & Acoria Eating Disorder Treatment, Vice President of the Binge Eating Disorder Association (BEDA), and Co-Chair of the Academy for Eating Disorders Special Interest Group on “Health at Every Size”, ellen@aweighout.com[/private_membership circle]
