When my clients tell me they want to change the habits of a lifetime, they are setting themselves up for failure. Most of us have experimented with this and know it is not effective. We make a New Year’s Resolution or approach a special event or occasion and we set a big goal with energy and gusto. “I’m going to use my Elliptical three times a week.” This might work for someone who loves the Elliptical machine; although if a person loves the elliptical she is probably already using it frequently.
It is an uphill climb when we attempt to force ourselves to do, be, live, in ways we do not enjoy. But what if we change our habits by seeking pleasure…one moment at a time and one day at a time? [private_membership circle]
Most of us can identify things we do regularly; like a can’t-miss television show or a cup of coffee. I remember long ago I was told to stop drinking coffee for health reasons. I began drinking coffee in the third grade. It was a ritual I had with my grandma so in addition to enjoying the taste of coffee it had an emotional connection for me as well.
I decided to conduct a little experiment. I stopped drinking coffee for a short period of time to notice if this had any effect on my body. Sadly for the coffee lover I am, it did have a significant impact. But I did not want to end my relationship with coffee! I began experimenting with different coffee substitutes and actually found one that I liked. It was a process for me to get used to this substitute because it really does not taste as good as coffee to me. Finding one that tasted good-enough coupled with my body feeling happier supported my change.
Awareness of our body truths will support habitual changes. When we attempt to develop habits that don’t calm, energize and generally sweeten our lives there is no motivation to continue. We find ourselves in a battle between shoulds and wants.
So the exercise becomes “what does my body really want?” How can you construct changes that feed you and create desire for you to follow through with your goals? This requires an intimacy with your self and your body; an awareness of what really lights you up and feeds you.
For many of the women I work with, their relationships with their bodies have not been nurtured from the inside. They have been acting out of shoulds, people-pleasing or feeling generally disconnected from their bodies. When this is true the process involves getting acquainted with your self as you discover your pleasure desires. It means that lifelong habit change needs to be a loving and nurturing process.
So if you are not following through on a change of habit, examine the motivation. Is it a “have-to,” a “should”, or a “want”? What are your attachments to the habit? Explore alternatives to discover a change that leads you to self-love and pleasure and notice what is possible.
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Robin Okun, LMSW, is a certified Nia Instructor, Movement Therapist, Center for Eating Disorders, Director of Mindful Movement Studio, Ann Arbor, MI, 734-395-2624, robinokun@gmail.com [/private_membership circle]
