I hate food shopping! So in an effort to reduce trips, I buy everything I can in quantity at Costco. It was almost 90 degrees here yesterday. I did not want to go to Costco, but doing so was “self-care”. It was about living in line with my intentions. I had had a very busy week! I was out of salmon and almost everything else I enjoy eating. When I’m stressed and my frig and cupboards are bare, I am at risk for emotional eating. I know this to be one of my truths! If I don’t have healthy, appealing foods in the house I am much more likely to find my focus wandering to other less satisfying and less healthy foods (fast food, pizza, and/or chinese delivery).
So, when I woke up yesterday morning [private_membership circle]I made a commitment to drive the 30 minutes to Costco before the warehouse closes at 6:00pm. I left a friend’s house just in time to pull into the Costco parking lot at 5:33pm. Again, not something I wanted to do on Sunday afternoon, but that day I choose to be ever mndful of the negative consequences of starting the week without this sort of fundamental self-care in place. I know what I know…so I don’t mess with it, anymore.
Then, I couldn’t find Costco’s individually wrapped flash frozen wild salmon where it usually is in a freezer case. I love their Salmon (doesn’t smell fishy and is microwabable). I looked and looked and then got really annoyed! I’m saying to myself, ” I made this trip primarily for their salmon and now no salmon.” Ugh! Even when an employee told me the reason they had no frozen salmon was because of a recall, I was still ticked.
But I regrouped. I determined that my desired outcome was to have some healthy dinner options in my freezer. So I chose two boxes of pesto tilapia (also microwabable–OK, I don’t like cooking or shopping).
Then, as I was looking for a bag of almonds in one of the middle aisles of the store (never a good idea for me to go where all the junk food hangs out), I found myself getting lost in all of the boxes of snack bars…reading labels…ingredients, calories, etc. I actually had a huge box of chocolate covered bars in my basket. A battle of wills began raging in my head. So, I tried to quiet the opposing voices by swappping the first box of snack bars for another brand that had 50 calories less per bar. Then, I had a moment of consciousness! I was focused on the snack bars because I was disappointed about not being able to buy the food I wanted; the salmon. For a few minutes, without realizing it, I had gone into “poor me” mode. In my mind, I was saying, “It’s not fair! Even when I try to eat healthy, when I go to all this effort to buy healthy food, they don’t have what I need and want. So I DESERVE something fun to eat. These snack bars look good and I can have one for lunch every day.”
Wow! For a few disconnected minutes I was in a very old familiar place…looking to food to soothe me; to help me NOT feel something else. That’s not how I want to live my life today. Today I don’t choose to keep boxes of 24 chocolate snack bars in my house, anymore than I would have 24 candy bars there. They’re just too tempting to me when under stress. I don’t see any foods as “good” or “bad” foods, anymore, I just know that 24 chocolate bars have the potential to call my name at times when I’m feeling emotionally vulnerable. So, today if I want a snack bar, I’ll buy one …or a couple, if I so choose.
So, with some conscious effort, I put the huge box of snack bars back. I chose some 100% natural fruit packs (actually turned out to be delicious–Brother’s-All-Natural Crisps). Last night I was aware that I had the occasional thought about those snack bars I’d left at Costco…like I was missing out on something (some old habits, pathways in the brain, die hard). But that’s OK. I had a very pleasant, fulfilling evening and I hope those snack bars find a wonderful home.
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Ellen Shuman is a Life Coach who specializes in emotional and binge eating issues. She is the founder of A Weigh Out & Acoria Eating Disorder Treatment, Vice President of the Binge Eating Disorder Association (BEDA), and Co-Chair of the Academy for Eating Disorders Special Interest Group on “Health at Every Size”, ellen@aweighout.com
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