This following piece was written by Rachel, a former coaching client of mine who has done some wonderful work toward giving up the tyranny of the scale and the limits of a life that’s constrained by the structure of some diet.
As I read what she wrote, I shared with her my impression that she is where many people are in this process…she has one foot in the old paradigm; I must be thin to be happy and successful and the scale will tell me when I am—and one foot in the new paradigm; I’m health-centered and [private_membership circle] weight-neutral, and as I make healthy choices I’ll be free to create a wonderful life, and my weight will simple do what it’s going to do.
While she is leaning more and more confidently into a new way of being in this world, where she embraces self-trust instead of the scale, she acknowledges she is still focused on weight as a marker of success. Many of us can identify! (This is reprinted with her permission.)
The Scale and I Are Divorcing
After 46 tumultuous years I have decided that the scale and I have a dysfunctional relationship and it is time for the scale to go. Specifically, over the last 14 months I have been using the scale to measure my progress as I eat healthy, exercise regularly, drink 8 or more glasses of water a day and try to maintain my stress levels. If you ask me you will find that I am doing fairly well in these areas. In general, the scale has shown success as well. I am down over 30 lbs. to date- sometimes I am down more than 30 lbs. sometimes less. I am wearing the smallest clothes I’ve worn in over 4 years. So why the divorce?
I try to weigh in no more than once a week. However with that scale peaking out at me every time I enter the bathroom it is hard to say no. Sometimes I’ve been eating right and exercising extra hard the last few days so I want to see the progress NOW. So I step on the scale. Sometimes, the progress is not that forthcoming. Of course not- the scale doesn’t know what I am doing or how hard I am working. The scale does not know how it affects my feelings- nor does it care. So I get upset, beat myself up and may even go off my healthy habits- just on spite. Still the scale does not care.
Sometimes, I slip up on the healthy habits. I’m too tired, too angry, too used to eating to soothe that which is bothering me. So I turn to food. Really these days, that happens very rarely. That’s ok, I’m only human. Afterwards I pick myself up and start back down my path to a healthy life. Being a woman (sorry, to make this generalization) I probably then beat myself up a bit for slipping up. If that isn’t enough, then I step on the scale and find out my progress is going the wrong way. More self-abuse ensues.
If my daughter, husband, son or friend was to not bother to exercise, eat too much, party too long, would I abuse them? Of course not! They wouldn’t want to be with me anymore. They wouldn’t consider me a good wife, mom or friend. So I treat them with compassion and understanding. It’s about time I treat myself the same way.
The scale provides no compassion. I get no communication (besides the blinking LED) from the scale. I get no support. I even celebrate alone when the scale shows me success.
This morning, after a week that included 4 days of overeating, 4 days of minimal exercise and a hormonal monthly activity coming on that normally makes me retain water I see that I’ve gained 2 lbs. My usual take on that would be some self-flagellation. But this morning I decided to take an alternative approach. I drew up the divorce papers for the scale and I. I figure after 14 months I know how to take care of myself and I’m doing quite well I might add. I won’t be stepping back on the scale for another month- on July 24th. As long as I know that my clothes fit then I know I’m staying healthy. If they start to feel like sausage casings- well then it’s time to re-evaluate the eating, exercising, water drinking and stress management.
I feel so good about this decision that I’m starting to consider divorcing the mirror and women’s magazines, as well…
Rachel
Ellen Shuman is a Life Coach who specializes in working with people who struggle with emotional and binge eating issues. She is the founder of A Weigh Out & Acoria Eating Disorder Treatment, Vice President of the Binge Eating Disorder Association (BEDA), and Co-Chair of the Academy for Eating Disorders Special Interest Group on “Health at Every Size”, ellen@aweighout.com
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