I have had a major task to complete for two weeks now. It’s an audio project I volunteered to manage. IF all had gone as planned, it would not have been a huge job. But all did not go as planned. Technical problems complicated things…and I have felt resentful, disappointed, and avoidant for weeks! (Anybody identify with those feeling when life does not go exactly as planned?)
Today I decided it’s time to step out of “victim” mode and suck it up…decide how to handle the situation I’m in and get on with the work that needs to be done to fix this. Staying stuck, feeling like a victim, began to feel worse than coming up with a plan of action.
“When you shift your orientation from a victim to a creator, your life ceases to frighten you and becomes interesting.” ~ Gary Zukav, Author, Mind of the Soul; Responsible Choice
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Author Gary Zukav, in his book Mind of the Soul; Responsible Choice, suggests that people can choose to see themselves as “Victims” or as “Creators”. He believes when they’re facing a troublesome situation, “Victims” say, “I wish this situation or person were not like this.” But “Creators”, who always choose to see the potential life lessons to be learned from every life circumstance (even the challenging ones), instead say, “I know this person or situation is perfect for me at this moment.”
FACT: I hired the company that did the lousy recording job.
FACT: I did the best I could. I wanted this to go well. My intentions were honorable.
FACT: This is not the end of the world. It will take me less time to actually fix this than I have already spent avoiding and obsessing about it!
FACT: I do not have to binge over this!
Zukav says, “Unless you see your experiences as consequences of your choices, you will think they are just or unjust, good or bad. You will experience yourself as a rudderless boat tossed helplessly by crashing waves. This is the experience of a victim. When you make the connection between your choices and your experiences, you do not have to create the same experiences again.”
“When you choose differently, you create differently.”
I get it! I will contact this recording company and request a refund for the services they did not deliver. I will contact and apologize to those people who ordered recordings. I will return their money.
Now, I’m off to “create” some peace of mind in my life! I will work on this project today, until it’s finished. Then I’ll feel free to work on other projects that will be much more fun! (Update…it took until 3 in the morning to complete this project. And the relief I felt, once it was finally done, was so worth it!)
Is there any place in your life where you’re staying stuck in “Victim Mode”? What would a shift to “creator mode” look like for you? Would that shift lead to less emotional or binge eating?
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Ellen Shuman is a Life Coach who specializes in empowering people who are working on emotional and binge eating recovery. She is the founder of A Weigh Out & Acoria Eating Disorder Treatment, President of the Binge Eating Disorder Association (BEDA), and Co-Chair of the Academy for Eating Disorders Special Interest Group on “Health at Every Size”, ellen@aweighout.com
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