“Trust develops and builds when I am given a choice (and not, as in dieting, denied it). Trust develops when I choose to make myself comfortable, not miserable, to take care of myself rather than hurt myself.” ~Geneen Roth
“You can’t stop the waves, but you can learn to surf.” `Jon Kabat-Zinn
In the moments before or during an emotional eating episode, we often feel out of control and desperate to do something to “just stop it.” We tell ourselves, “I ‘should’ be able to just stop this,” or “There’s no good reason for this.”
With this mindset, it’s easy to understand why we are lured in by the illusion of control that diets promise and why, as a result, we ignore our hunger and avoid certain foods. But most of us know from experience that these “stopping” strategies inevitably backfire, resulting in eating episodes that feel even more out of control.
In these desperate moments, instead of focusing on stopping, what if we shifted [private_membership circle]our self-care efforts to not stopping and instead to actually choosing to use food mindfully?
Choose to use food?! For most of us, this idea is terrifying and unbelievable. We wonder, “If I am upset by my overeating, why would I allow myself to continue doing it? How can that possibly help me to stop it?”
Bringing mindfulness to our emotional eating is helpful because mindfulness embodies:
• an attitude of accepting, acknowledging, and allowing. With this attitude, we let go of striving toward the goal of stopping an emotional eating episode and instead, with curiosity, courage, compassion, and nonjudgment, we simply pay attention to what arises in these moments, whether we ultimately use food or not.
• a deep understanding or knowing that emerges from bringing our awareness to thoughts, feelings, and sensations that arise before, during, and after an overeating episode, and from asking ourselves “What’s here now?” What’s true about what’s here now?” And “What’s needed now?”
• responding skillfully instead of reacting to the uncomfortable feelings and situations associated with our emotional eating.
When we bring this mindful attitude, knowing, and skillful responding to our emotional eating, we shift from simply “trying to stop it” to understanding and caring for ourselves.
So instead of confusing choosing-to-use-food-mindfully with the old, familiar, all-or-nothing, “one-more-binge-before-I-stop-doing-this,” we tune into what’s true and are able to recognize that one behavior is responding to feelings and needs while the other is reacting to them.
If we believe that mindful emotional eating will get in the way of returning to our healthy natural weight, we ask ourselves what’s true.
“What’s true about food and the body?”
“What’s true about my weight and past overeating experiences?” “What’s true about my weight when I’ve tried to ‘just stop’ these eating episodes?”
“Is it true that creating deprivation or feeling shame and fear have been helpful or effective in the long run?
And instead of adding to the core pain that is prompting our overeating episode—with mean words or hurtful actions—we nurture ourselves.
We shift from “I ‘should’ be able to just stop this” to “If ‘just stopping’ my overeating was simply about willpower, I would have already stopped it.”
Instead of, “There’s no good reason for this,” we ask ourselves with curiosity and compassion, “What, if not food or in addition to food, is needed now to soothe or tolerate these uncomfortable feelings?”
No longer ignoring our body’s hunger signals or avoiding foods we love, we heal deprivation-driven eating by eating satisfying foods, using our senses to savor each bite. And when “should” and “bad food” thoughts arise and trigger uncomfortable feelings while we are eating these foods, we respond by just noticing them and letting them be.
If we can begin to practice mindful emotional eating, we will find that we can get through emotional eating with less suffering, and we will come to understand that choosing to eat emotionally with mindfulness is, in fact, “doing something” to “stop it.”
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Nutrition therapists Amy Tuttle, RD, LCSW and Karin Kratina, RD, PhD provide no-diet articles and resources including “Stay Attuned: The E-zine for Nourishing Connections” at their Nourishing Connections website. www.nourishingconnections.com
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