I’ll call her Sara. We’d been working together for just a few months. In the early days, many of our sessions started with discussions about how focused she was on the size and roundness of her stomach. A year later, she and I still smile when we recall the conversation where she shifted from “…maybe it’s a tumor” to, “or it could have been the 600 calories worth of snacks I had just eaten right before I thought I might have a tumor.”
Sara got clear about why she was so focused on her stomach. [private_membership circle]
“Every day I look in the mirror to see how big my belly is – it’s as if I think my belly will shrink and go away if I look at it enough times. Then it hit me – I would do this no matter what size I am. I did this when I weighed 10, 20 and 30 pounds less than I do now. So why do it? Me staring at my belly is not about my belly at all. It’s a distraction!!!!! It’s both a distraction and a way to devalue myself.”
Here’s what Sara wrote in her Session Prep Sheet today…
“On Sunday I accomplished one of my 90 day goals by riding 30 miles in the Minnesota Ironman bike ride. The experience of setting a goal, training for it, and then accomplishing it is amazing — such a confidence builder!
Recently I recommended that Sara read Judtih Matz and Ellen Frankel’s book, The Diet Survivor’s Handbook (listen to my interview with the Authors). What Sara wrote about that book is more evidence of how far she has come since her “it must be a tumor” days!
“The Diet Survivor’s Handbook has been a gift — the way the concepts are presented and the way the information delivered works well for me.
I’ve been practicing attuned eating (as described in the handbook). I’ve discovered that I’m finding freedom by eating this way. I thought it would be restrictive, but the system I’ve been following for 30+ years is actually restrictive and has kept me chained to false ideals. I love recovery!
I feel good about my body. A few times today I saw my belly in the mirror and the old thought patterns were trying to push through. I immediately said, “I’m not going there, I feel good and I look good”. Then I would very consiously change the picture of what I was seeing — from a fat flabby gal to a woman who looks great and loves herself.
I’m nearly ready to give up my goal of wanting to lose weight — I’m not all the way there, but I’m getting close. It’s clear to me that by loving myself, taking care of myself and following attuned eating, I will eventually settle into my natural weight, whatever that is. ”
Toward the end of our session Sara told me she’d just received an invitation to her 30th High School Reunion. Her first thought was an old familiar one. ” Maybe I can lose weight, 30 lbs. by July?” But within seconds that thought was replaced by this one. “No…I bet they’ll see how confident I feel and how confidently I carry myself today!”
Then, instead of reaching for a diet, Sara reached out to a friend who has great “pizazz” when it comes to clothes. She’ll help Sara find a phenomenal outfit for a reunion that Sara is now looking forward to attending. Go Sara!!!
An addemndum…the day after our session and after I wrote this post, I sent Sara a link to this article “10 Things You Can Do Right Now” by Jon Robison, PhD, MS. Here’s what she emailed back.
“Thank You!! I needed to read this today – I’m going to purchase summer pants and a swimsuit that fit me and I’m going to continue following a health-centered approach to taking care of myself. I AM giving up my weight-centered approach and it feels WONDERFUL & FREEING!!!!! What a relief!
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Ellen Shuman is a Life Coach who specializes in working with people who struggle with emotional and binge eating issues. She is the founder of A Weigh Out & Acoria Eating Disorder Treatment, Vice President of the Binge Eating Disorder Association (BEDA), and Co-Chair of the Academy for Eating Disorders Special Interest Group on “Health at Every Size”, ellen@aweighout.com
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