It was the first sign that something was wrong. The glass plate in my built-in microwave stopped rotating. On Tuesday this most critical cooking tool in my kitchen stopped working completely. Sounds funny, even to me, but I started to feel panicky. How will I [private_membership circle] make my oatmeal in the morning, and my sweet potato, tilapia, or salmon for dinner? (Really, Costco’s Wild Alaskan Sockeye Salmon includes microwave instructions on the bag–takes just 5 minutes and a little seasoning and it tastes great..this from someone who never touched fish until she was in her late 30’s.) Without a microwave, how will I make popcorn when I want a salty snack?
I openly admit I lack skill and patience when it comes to using an oven. I never learned or liked to cook…maybe because as a kid I had such a dysfunctional relationship with food, the last thing I wanted to do was be creative with it . Now my microwave was dead…and it’s an “over the range” kind, not as simple to replace as one that sits on a counter top.
But the panic over the dead microwave didn’t last long…because today I trust myself! I know even when my routines around food change; whether it’s a broken microwave, or eating while on vacation, or eating in a social situation where I’m feeling socially awkward AND there’s a huge buffet, I can still choose to manage the intensity of the feelings around the situation and still choose to eat healthfully.
It took some time and work around emotional regulation skills, but I have learned I can stay mindful of what’s happening, feeling-wise, and not be swept back into my old habits of using food to avoid a situation or to self-soothe. I can feel the anxiety and then regroup. I have learned to acknowledge and tolerate even my intense feelings. I’ve become more skilled at identifying and moving toward my desired outcomes even in emotional situations that in the past would have sent me right into a binge.
Today I trust that I will not be thwarted by a broken mechanical box! I’ll just deliberately plan a bit more time for cooking until I can get someone to install the new microwave I purchased at Lowes last night. (The handman has been called.) In the past, this situation would have been an excuse to binge. Today, it’s an opportunity for self-care. I pulled out the oatmeal box and learned how to cook oatmeal in a pot on the stove. Last night I made salmon in my toaster over (really). It wasn’t quite as good as my microwave salmon, but it was good enough and the taste of recovery made up for any difference!
Ellen Shuman is a Life Coach who specializes in working with people who struggle with emotional and binge eating issues. She is the founder of A Weigh Out & Acoria Eating Disorder Treatment, Vice President of the Binge Eating Disorder Association (BEDA), and Co-Chair of the Academy for Eating Disorders Special Interest Group on “Health at Every Size”, ellen@aweighout.com
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