“Wisdom tells me I am nothing; love tells me I am everything.
Between the two, my life flows.” ~an Indian Master
“You have to decide what your highest priorities are and have the courage—pleasantly, smilingly, nonapologetically—to say ‘no’ to other things. And the way you do that is by having a bigger ‘yes’ burning inside.” ~Stephen Covey
How much is enough? How much food? How much weight loss? How much love, attention, success? Our culture encourages us to believe that if we get enough, we will be enough. So we keep trying to get more—more love, more attention, more success, more weight loss. But it never seems to be enough to make us feel better.
So how do we know and experience “enough”? [private_membership circle]It is through “self-fullness” that we will recognize and trust how much is enough, how much is not enough, and how much is too much. Self-fullness will help us to know how much to eat, how much to achieve, how much to take, how much to give—and how much to give to ourselves.
Self-fullness is a concept that may be easier to grasp at first by knowing what it is not. Self-fullness is not selfishness.
Selfishness is being concerned only with oneself. Dieting, or restricting, tends to encourage selfishness. When we ignore hunger and avoid foods that give us pleasure, we are distracted by these unmet needs and wants. We are less available for true connections with others and may feel disconnected and lonely.
Selfishness often causes us to take in without “digesting.” We take in food, kindnesses, success, or ideas without being nourished by them. Because we take in without digesting, we feel like nothing is enough, and we are left “hungering.” Ultimately, we come to believe that there won’t be enough (food, love, money), so we develop and live with a poverty consciousness.
Self-fullness is also not self-lessness.
Self-lessness is having or exhibiting a lack of concern for oneself. It is guided by “shoulds” and “supposed to’s” and is supported by the belief that love is earned by taking care of others’ needs. It is being less than who we really are. What is communicated to others is, “I don’t matter,” and that is often exactly how others will treat us. Self-lessness often results in unexpressed anger. We are left hungering from not “feeding” ourselves in the midst of “feeding” others. We are left depleted and undernourished emotionally. Again, we develop and live with a poverty consciousness.
And now that we know what self-fullness is not, what is it? Self-fullness is having a positive regard for oneself and acting upon it while being connected to and respectful of others.
Self-fullness is the sane place between selfishness and self-lessness. It is putting on our oxygen mask first and then attending to the mask of our child (or ailing parent, or friend). Self-fullness is possible when we tune into and attend to our needs and wants, when we create space to meet these needs and wants, and when we set and hold boundaries around this space.
When we feed ourselves, we are not left hungering. We have enough. When we take time to receive and digest what is given to us, we are nourished. When we give and receive in relationships and when we savor and share success, we feel satisfied. And when we feed ourselves with attunement to hunger, satiety, and food preference, we experience self-fullness. With self-fullness, we live with abundance consciousness.
Initially, self-fullness feels uncomfortable. “I can’t possibly say ‘no’; she needs me. Saying ‘no’ would be selfish!” However, self-fullness is necessary if we are to develop nourishing interdependent relationships. With self-fullness, we come to fully experience “I am enough. I am not too much. There is enough for me.”
Tip: Look at your To-Do List for this week in the context of available time. Tune into your energy, feelings, and interest levels as they relate to each item. Consider saying “no” to one item or one person on the list. Simply say, “I won’t be able to.”
Affirming Statement: “Saying yes to myself, I include myself in the equation for balance.”
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Nutrition therapists Amy Tuttle, RD, LCSW and Karin Kratina, RD, PhD provide no-diet articles and resources including “Stay Attuned: The E-zine for Nourishing Connections” at their Nourishing Connections website. www.nourishingconnections.com[/private_membership circle]
