As you work on ending emotional overeating, you may be able to identify some of the feelings that cause you to reach for food when you’re not physically hungry. Yet even with this knowledge, there’s a good chance that, at times, you still turn to the food for calming purposes. If you find that even with your understanding of what kinds of emotions lead to overeating that you still can’t seem to slow it down, consider the story of Isabelle:
After 12 months of working with the non-diet approach, Isabelle found that she still had some binges that didn’t make sense to her. She was well-stocked at home, generally ate when she was hungry, and stopped when she was full. But she reported that, at times, she ate foods she didn’t even like to the point of being uncomfortably full, and then completely shut down as she fell asleep on the couch.
Most recently, Isabelle was on her way home from her hair cut appointment when she stopped by a convenience store and bought a bag of potato chips and a box of cookies. By the time she arrived home, Isabelle had finished all of the chips and cookies and felt ill. Isabelle began to call herself names, believing she was “stupid” and “self-destructive” to eat so much high carbohydrate food, which she knew was “bad” for her – and she hadn’t even been hungry!
It’s always important to bring compassion to understanding what might be behind binge eating behavior. Sometimes feelings of deprivation can trigger a binge, but for Isabelle, potato chips and cookies were no longer off limits. As she delved deeper into what might have been going on for her, she realized that the purpose of her binge was to actually create the numbed out feeling that followed her overeating.
When asked to consider what part of her needed to numb out, Isabelle revealed that she had so many [private_membership circle]responsibilities at home, but she just wanted to have some fun! The truth was that Isabelle grew up in a family that constantly required hard work and productivity, with no time to “relax and smell the roses.” Isabelle now explored the responsible part of herself, as well as the part that wanted to have fun. She realized that the binge squelched the “fun” part of her that wasn’t acceptable, and at the same time got the “responsible” part of her off the hook; after all, if she couldn’t move off the couch, she couldn’t do any of her chores. She wasn’t “stupid” or “self-destructive at all – it was actually an ingenious solution to her conflict!
Isabelle now sees that the “fun” part of her needs room to thrive. Rather than being in competition with the “responsible” part of herself, her goal is to find a way for these parts to support each other in a balanced way, so that she no longer needs to use her binges to manage this life-long conflict. With compassion towards herself for the bind that she’s been in, Isabelle announced, “I am going to go with my daughter to a concert this weekend!” Of course, this still leaves plenty of time for her to fulfill her responsibilities at home, but she now potentially has the space and freedom to take care of her fun side – an important step toward living more fully in the world.
Think about the different parts of yourself. Are they working well together or are they at odds with each other? This can be a fertile place to explore how overeating can become a way to manage the different parts of yourself that need your gentle understanding and compassion!
Eat well! Live well! Be well!
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Eat well! Live well! Be well! Judith Matz and Ellen Frankel, are co-authors of The Diet Survivor’s Handbook, Beyond a Shadow of a Diet www.dietsurvivors.com Chicago Center for Overcoming Overeating: 847.267.1200
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