(Based on The Diet Survivor’s Handbook)
We define a diet survivor as a person who has been on more than one diet, lost and regained the weight, and are becoming aware that the failure is not their fault. By identifying yourself as a diet survivor, you’re in the process of making a transformation. Rather than remaining in a damaging downward spiral, you can embark on a journey toward physical and psychological well-being. You’re reaching the conclusion that you cannot tolerate one more diet. You’re saying “no” to deprivation and “no” to the overeating that inevitably follows. You’re no longer willing to sacrifice your health and happiness to lose weight. You’re tired of feeling depleted by your preoccupation with food and weight and of waiting for a number on the scale to give you permission to start living.
But saying no isn’t enough. In order to make significant changes, you must [private_membership circle]develop and embrace positive attitudes and behaviors that lead to a satisfying relationship with food, your body, and yourself. Imagine living a life where you feel calm around food. Imagine trusting yourself as you listen to internal cues telling you when you are hungry, what you are hungry for, and when you have had enough. Imagine enjoying all foods, without labeling any as “good” or bad.” Imagine not going on a binge. Imagine your days without judging them as good or bad based on diet, food or weight. Imagine feeling comfortable in your body and wearing clothes that you love. Imagine moving your body in ways that feel good, improving your health in the process. Imagine coping with life’s inevitable ups and downs without using food to manage feelings. Imagine living in the world without feeling deprived. Imagine feeding yourself in such a loving fashion that this self-care can’t help but spread into other areas of your life. Imagine the relief!
And yet that relief may be quickly replaced by a sense of grief. You’ve just experienced a significant loss in your life: the belief that through dieting you can permanently change your body. With that loss is the letting go of the fantasy that if only you can get thin, you’ll be happier, more successful, more loved.
There are five stages in the process of loss and grief. As you contemplate the meaning of ending diets and becoming a diet survivor, spend some time thinking about where you’re at in this process.
Denial
You may find yourself questioning whether you must truly give up on the idea that diets can make you permanently thinner. After all, research shows that diets fail in the long term about 95 – 98% of the time. That still leaves a tiny percentage of people who have lost weight without regaining it back. You might imagine that you can become one of those people, even though experience says otherwise. Dieting is seductive, and you may be in denial about the inherent failure of diets. You may need to engage in another cycle of dieting before being convinced that this is true for you.
Anger
You may lament, “Why me?” You may turn your anger against yourself by berating your body, or you may direct your anger at others. It may seem unfair that some people are naturally thin no matter what they do, while you’ve tried so hard to achieve that body size. As you come to understand the physiology of dieting and body size, you may also become angry when others continue to judge you based on size.
Bargaining
Even though the concepts related to diet failure make sense, you have a wish to diet one more time to lose weight before incorporating principles of attuned eating and acceptance. Your attitude is, “Let me just lose weight first, and then I’ll quit dieting.”
Depression
You’re being asked to live your life without the goal of weight loss when, up until now, your life was focused and organized around this premise. The sadness of shifting beliefs about the merits of dieting and the requisite of thinness is a difficult challenge. You may feel that you’re being asked to give up on yourself when, in fact, the opposite is true. You have the opportunity to live an authentic life based on principles that contribute to physiological, psychological and spiritual well-being.
Acceptance
This is the point where you accept the inherent failure of diets and no longer choose to diet in an effort to become thinner. At this stage, you understand that dieting wreaks havoc on your ability to find your natural weight. You see the cost of dieting in both physical and emotional terms, and you’re no longer willing to pay the price. You’re committed to taking care of yourself the best way you can and allowing your weight to settle in its natural range as a function of attuned eating and engaging in physical activity that suits both your body and your lifestyle.
These stages of loss are not always distinct, and you may find yourself experiencing two stages simultaneously or moving back and forth between the various stages.
Identifying yourself as a diet survivor and refusing to live a constricted life takes courage. Challenging the societal dictates that insist upon dieting to meet the unrealistic cultural ideal is difficult. However, you can begin to change the tide for yourself, and swim in a sea of freedom. You will not be alone.
Eat well! Live well! Be well!
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Eat well! Live well! Be well! Judith Matz and Ellen Frankel, are co-authors of The Diet Survivor’s Handbook, Beyond a Shadow of a Diet www.dietsurvivors.com Chicago Center for Overcoming Overeating: 847.267.1200
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