A Weight Stigma Story; Do You Have One, Too?

Today is Day Two of BEDA; the Binge Eating Disorder Association’s Weight Stigma Awareness Week.  Here’s Becky’s story. To post your story, Click Here.

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Becky Mollett’s Weight Stigma Awareness Story

When I was a child I grew quickly. I was often told I was a “big” girl. I interpreted that to mean fat and fat in my family was looked upon as a bad thing. 

My grandmother, whom I lived with the first 2 1/2 years of my life, was fat.  Somehow it must of been pointed out often because I always remember looking at her and thinking “fat” when I looked at her, as far back as I can remember.  Yet she was such a special part of my life – she was a wonderful grandma to me.  I loved her very much. 

She used to tell me stories of how I would stand at the refrigerator door when I could barely talk and say “Meat” – which meant a piece of cheese or meat.  I somehow got the impression that fat and big were not the preferred thing to be.  I passed my mother up in size around the age 10.

I also had a brother who was quite small in stature for his age.  I was compared to him and my mom often.  I don’t think it would have been a problem except that I already had the concept that small and little were better than big and large.  I had another grandmother (who favored boys) who told me I had to be careful not to hurt my brother because he was so little and I was so big.  We were only 2 1/2 years apart in age. 

Other incidents that came to mind were:

•When I was eleven and went to the fair with a babysitter they wanted to charge me full price.  The sitter teasingly told them they “make them big Up North.”  It truly was a cute comment that I love recalling to this day, however I know it added to my ideas about my size. (By the way my babysitter was fat – and I loved her to pieces – she was like a second mom to me.)

•When my parents made their rounds to bars on Sunday afternoons and my brother and I were along, one of my pleasures was being able to get bags of potato chips.  The bartender once commented that I didn’t really need another bag of chips – something to the effect that I would get too fat.

•My mother always talked about weight and weighed herself daily so I did not know that was not normal.

•When I asked if I was fat I was told I was “hippy”.

•Some boys walking by when I was jumping rope yelled out “elephant legs”.  Again I took that to mean fat.

•By the time I was 14,  I was 5″ 7″ and 124 lbs – I thought that was fat!•When my grandparents made comments like I was too big to pick up and swing around like my brother, I took that as fat.

•When I was young I can remember arguing with my dad about getting the last pork chop at dinner time. 🙂

•My nick name was apple cheeks cause of my round face.

•There was a boy that liked me in 7th grade.  I was telling my mother’s friend about him but that I didn’t want to go steady with him because he was fat.  My mom’s friend immediately told me that wasn’t a reason.  That was the first time I realized that saying someone was fat or not liking them for that reason was not right.

•My best friend in my adult years was fat – she was an amazing person – everyone wanted to be around her.  I always marveled at how she handled her size like it didn’t matter (I realize now she understood that her size was only a part of who she was).

I remember these comments to this day. I realize now these things contributed to my perception of how I viewed myself. I remember thinking small and blonde was better than big and brunette 🙂 – so silly! Even at the time of this picture, my brother and me in the 1970’s, I thought I was fat – and was always trying to diet.  I don’t think anyone meant anything personally or meant harm, but that is how I took it all.

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Ellen Shuman is a Life Coach who specializes in empowering people who are working on emotional and binge eating recovery. She is the founder of A Weigh Out & Acoria Eating Disorder Treatment, President of the Binge Eating Disorder Association (BEDA), and Co-Founder of the Academy for Eating Disorders Special Interest Group on “Health at Every Size”, ellen@aweighout.com