Lakisha, one of our Circle Members, just posted this in the A Weigh Out Forum and I can’t stop smiling. With her permission, I’m sharing it with you. I hope you enjoy it…and find it inspiring!
I’ve lost my mind…
That’s what I’ve been told, ever since I told a friend that I want to learn to belly dance. I’ve always wanted to. I love the style of dance. First off, it is uber sexy. I love that there is rhythm and it’s almost like hula where you are telling a story with your movements. I like the silky costumes, the jingly hip belts and the fantastic accessories, from scarves to jewelry and even swords! It’s all about movement.
That’s the problem, I’ve always told myself. Not now. Don’t take classes now. Don’t dance like this now. Wait until people actually won’t mind seeing your belly! Wait until you are prettier etc etc etc….
I’m not sure I’ll ever reach that conclusion. At the moment, I’m kinda stuck. I just want to eat and eat and eat. And I’m not sure why. I’m going over my tools again. And the only thing I can think of is stress and worry. There’s so much out of my control right now with finances and school. And then there is the disappointment that I’m still fat. I’m still waiting for it all to kick in. But then I examine what I am doing and I realize I’m still not nourishing my body or caring for myself well.
So, in therapy this week, we’ve been tackling this urge that I have to…well…do nothing…to stay where I am, though I am miserable…to feel all this motivation to jump up and do something, then fail to launch.
So that’s why I’m not going to deny myself something that I crave doing. I wonder how much of my weight is on me because I didn’t allow myself to go and do something and feel beautiful and successful?
So here I go…belly dancing 101 later today! After all, it’s free for students!
After Class # 1
At this point, every muscle in my body feels the hip thing we did in class. And, I felt silly and unflattering to say the least. But I realized that every person in that class probably felt the same way. I want to keep going with this. I want for it to transfer to a life long hobby. I want to be one of those 80 year old grannies still moving her body like this, lovely and lively.
Right now, all I can hear is my instructor’s voice: “Kisha, tuck your pelvis. In this class, I don’t want to see any weak pelvises. No weak pelvises, got it?”
All I could think, okay…no weak pelvis…I CAN do this!
What I have learned so far from this experience is that there are so many things I don’t know if I can do or not. I used to think “I can’t dance. I’m bad at dancing. I have the rhythm of a snail! I have two left fee, and one of them’s broken.”
Thing is, I had never really tried. That translates into so many things. This is a running theme in my life, a life where the inactivity of my body has really only been a mirror of the inactivity of my soul. It’s the worst self – bondage. I don’t live, because I don’t let myself live. For whatever reason, I don’t let myself feel worthy enough, talented enough, or beautiful enough. (Or smart enough…etc). I don’t have to be the best at all things I do, I just have to do my best at all things.
Time to tip the scales in my life, not my weight.
Ellen Shuman is a Life Coach who specializes in empowering people who are working on emotional and binge eating recovery. She is the founder of A Weigh Out & Acoria Eating Disorder Treatment, President of the Binge Eating Disorder Association (BEDA), and Co-Chair of the Academy for Eating Disorders Special Interest Group on “Health at Every Size”, firstname.lastname@example.org