Weigh This Instead!

Life After Emotional & Binge Eating

Tolerating Uncertainty Without Using Food to Cope

Using emotional eating, food to copeUsually, by the time people come to me asking for help to stop emotional eating, they have some awareness that using food to cope has become a habit.

Being food-focused has become a coping strategy they use whenever they want to avoid something else; an uncomfortable thought or feeling, a difficult situation, even a task they’d rather put off doing.

Food thoughts work (don’t I know it)! Food thoughts (and then eating) can effectively distract us from anything uncomfortable; from anything we’d rather not feel or tolerate…at least for a brief time.

Recently, I was coaching a client who was in the throws of a difficult divorce; child custody and financial arrangements still to be worked out (I’m sharing this with her permission). And, despite the fact that her gut told her a job she’d been offered was not a good fit (she feared she did not have the management skills or experience needed and she knew the company was in chaos), she accepted the position anyway because the salary was amazing. About six weeks into a 90 day probationary period, she knew she had made a big mistake and she resigned.

In a coaching session with me, she shared that she couldn’t stop thinking about how horrible that experience had been; the dysfunction at that company, how angry she was at the boss she felt set her up to fail. Over and over again, in her head, she was replaying her experinece on the job…along with thoughts about old and current conflicts with her soon to be ex-husband…

Soon, to shut down all of those thoughts and feelings; the intensity and the ‘noise’, she was binge eating again.

Then, she had an “aha” moment. She got it! Here’s what she wrote in prep for our next session.

“Something you said during our last session very much resonated with me – when I’m ruminating about something, I need to decide whether there is an action that needs to be taken (and then plan what that action is) or if I’m just dwelling and there’s nothing further to be done (and I need to let it go).

Regarding my former job, it’s unproductive ruminating. So now I’ve been redirecting myself to let it go, and trying to focus on the life that I want to create, instead. With my soon to be ex-husband, some of it has been unproductive dwelling, and some of it is an action item (I discussed the action items with my attorney yesterday).

When I’m thinking about past events, it’s been really helpful for me to ask myself, ‘is there an action item here?’, then redirecting my energy and focus.”

This is great example of what I mean when I speak about developing “emotional regulation skills”, even in light of uncertain times. Being ‘good’ at managing emotions does not mean you won’t have strong emotions. That’s a myth!

I know life is full of uncertainty and strong emotions. “Emotional Regulation” means that when strong feelings hit, instead of ignorning or stuffing them, you observe and experience those emotions…without judging them…or trying to inhibit them…without making them bigger by seeing them through the lens of past experiences…and without borrowing trouble from what might or might not happen in the future.

If you can experience feelings, in the moment, you can come to trust that feelings are full of great information…and are survive-able. Instead of blocking feelings with food thoughts, you can use thoughts and feelings (especially the uncomfortable ones) to inform you. Then, you can address them head on; coming to fully trust that you can and will choose to do with them whatever you need to do (including just honoring them as feelings that will pass…).

With practice, I’ve come to tolerate feeling vulnerable; feeling my feelings, mindfully deciding what those feelings are telling me, and then I make a plan for what I want to do next.

I find it useful to think of it this way. Feelings are just information I can use to create the life I say I want. It took me some time, and skill building, and practice to get there, but today I trust that I can handle any feelings that come my way…

What’s the alternative… contining old patterns; still using food to cope? The habit of stuffing feelings down with food just delayed the work I needed to do to live a more peaceful, productive, happy life…

How about you? Are you still using food to cope? Please share a comment–tell us about your experience. What do you think makes tolerating feelings rather than using food so hard? What gets in your way of change?

(BIG topic to cover in a blog post! If you’d like to learn more about emotional regulation skills, be sure to join me for my free phone seminar about overcoming emotional and binge eating.)


I’m Ellen Shuman, a Coach who has been helping people overcome emotional eating, compulsive eating, binge eating disorder, and food addiction for more than 20 years. I started A Weigh Out & Acoria Binge Eating Disorder Treatment (1993-present). I’m also Past President of the Binge Eating Disorder Association (2011/2012). I’ve been there, done that. If I can be of assistance to you, please get in touch, ellen@aweighout.com, 513-321-4242.

Feeling Empty? Halloween Humor

Eating on Halloween

How My Emotional Eating Started

How my emotional eatiing started

Ellen Shuman-Age 4

My very earliest memories are of food; stealing food from the bread & cookie drawer in our kitchen on Flower Rd.

At first, it happened mostly on Saturday and Sunday mornings. My brother and I would be watching cartoons in the den. My very unhappily married parents were still asleep, so the house was calm and quiet. But with every nerve in my body I must have known that would change…as soon as they woke up.

So, I’d go back and forth between the den and the kitchen, stealing Wonder Bread and chocolate chip cookies, each time rearranging the food in the packages, hoping to minimize evidence of how much food I had taken.

I was four years old. That’s when my emotional eating began…but we didn’t know it was emotional or compulsive eating way back then. Instead, all the focus was on what I weighed. “What a shame. She has such a pretty face”, I often overheard my mother and grandparents say as they discussed my “weight problem”.

I remember the very public weigh-ins in elementary school, in the nurse’s office. The whole class was lined up against the wall as the nurse called out the weight of each person who took their forced turn on the scale. My teacher would record that awful, shaming number on her clipboard. My weight was always the highest weight in my class.

When I was eight, my mother convinced our pediatrician to give me diet pills. Dexadrine, which was Dextroamphetamine, speed, commonly prescribed as a weight loss aid in the 1960s until the U.S. Drug Enforcement Agency classified dextroamphetamine as an addictive substance. (I have many clients who report the same experience with their mothers and pediatricians and diet pills in the 1960s.)

In elementary school, my older brother regularly and very publicly called me “Tubs”. By high school, he had all of his friends calling me “Ray”, after linebacker, Ray Nitschke, on the Green Bay Packers. They thought that was hilarious. To me, a teenager who loathed her body and desperately wanted to fit in, and kept trying and failing to lose weight, it felt cruel. That bullying drove me to more overeating.

Funny, when I look back at my childhood pictures, I’m always surprised that I was not really that large. Not that how fat I really was at that time matters, but I do see it as evidence of how distorted the all consuming focus on my weight really was. (Today, I know that my mother’s anxiety about her own weight, and her own shame and pain over having been a fat child and teenager, drove her obsession with my weight. She feared I would experience the same feelings of shame she felt about her body. She thought she could prevent it by insisting on weight loss. It was so misguided, but not at all uncommon, then or now. Unfortunately, even today, when it comes to chubby children, we still see this weight focus play out with seemingly well-meaning adults, even medical professionals, and pubic health educators.)

Because all the focus was on my weight and what I should and shouldn’t be eating, it was decades before I understand the truth about why I overate; how and why emotional eating became my strategy for all emotional regulation.

My focus on food was all about disconnecting, avoiding, procrastinating, numbing-out, or just taking the edge off something that had me emotionally stirred up. Thinking about food, and what I could get to eat, brought temporary relief from thoughts and feelings I found uncomfortable and sometimes intolerable. I used “food thoughts”, and my focused plans to sneak or get food, as a distraction from other things. Once I got my hands on the food, I could go “unconscious”; eat mindlessly so I could avoid being mindful. My food focus was a distraction from my family, my hyper sensitivity, often, from my life in general. Then, at some point in time,  it just became a habit; a way of functioning; coping with everyday life…

Can you relate? If you’re still struggling, are you aware of why you are food-focused or do you still believe it’s all about what you weigh? If open to sharing your experiences with emotional eating, please comment below…


If you’re struggling with emotional eating, please know you are not alone. If you’d like to learn more about ways to overcome compulsive overeating, including the role anxiety and depression may play in emotional and binge eating disorder, please join me for my Free 1 Hr. Phone Seminar. Click here for my next seminar dates. You can also contact me, Emotional-Binge Eating Recovery Coach Ellen Shuman, @ ellen@aweighout.com, and 513-321-4242.

Four Food Groups Revisited


Remember when you were a kid, you learned about the four food groups. Oh, if only it were still that simple!
Food Groups


Ellen Shuman is an experienced Coach who specializes in helping people overcome emotional eating, compulsive eating, binge eating disorder, and food addiction. She is the founder of A Weigh Out & Acoria Binge Eating Disorder Treatment (1993-present), Past President of the Binge Eating Disorder Association (2011/2012), and Co-Founder of the Academy for Eating Disorders Special Interest Group on “Health at Every Size”, ellen@aweighout.com, 513-321-4242.

Emotional Eating and Insecurities

Emotional Eating with Chocolate CakeAt a family get together, a business meeting, or at any gathering that includes other people, have you found yourself using food to manage insecurities?

I often tell people who are struggling with emotional eating that emotional eating has very little to do with food. “How can that be?”, they ask, skeptically.

Think about it. Focusing on food helps us distract us from uncomfortable feelings; anger, loneliness, boredom, and/or any insecurity.

Shifting to “mindless eating”(consciously or unconsciously) effectively prevents us from being “mindful” in that moment in life. Mindless eating blocks our ability to observe our feelings and behaviors…and therefore prevents us from using that information, non-judgmentally, to change long standing, self-sabotaging, self-defeating and painful behaviors that are out of line with the life we want to live.

The following experience, shared with the permission of the client who lived it, is a great example of  what can happen for the better when we become our own “observer”, see old patterns, and choose to respond differently.


“I was away at a conference for two days last week, which gave me a bit of perspective and time to mull things over. Most of my peers in our school division were at this conference.

At one point, just sitting in a session, I noticed that I had started feeling very uncool and like I “needed” validation from some of my peers to feel okay. I recognized that I have felt this way before, but it startled me, because I haven’t see it so clearly. I recognized it as a pattern, and could see how I was interpreting the behavior of others as validating or diminishing me.

I saw that this causes me a lot of trouble, because it leads me to feeling helpless, a victim, and also it keeps me passive. Rather than reaching out and connecting with others, this leads me to almost expect to not connect, and therefore to feel and be isolated.

So I sat with that for a bit, and then I deliberately started connecting with people around me – taking the first steps. It felt very good. Later, at a supper with my school division colleagues, I purposely focused on staying grounded and authentic within myself, rather than being what often feels like “fake me” who is unsure, worried they won’t like me, and tries to impress (!! How old am I again??) and ends up feeling very un-authentic. So I really was connecting much more authentically.

We had the best time! These events can be a bit awkward, but we had so much genuine fun at our table. I was so glad I was really there! :-)”


YES!  This is what recovery from emotional insecurity and from emotional eating can look like…did you notice that food was not even mentioned as an issue at that table…because she was “there”; fully present, fully engaged and choosing how she wished to show up in the world—mindfully. When living mindfully, the need for mindless eating just goes away. Nice work!

(Need help to stop emotional eating? Check out my FREE Telephone Seminar, “5 Essential Steps to Stop Emotional Eating”. )


Ellen Shuman is an experienced Coach who specializes in helping people overcome emotional eating, compulsive eating, binge eating disorder, and food addiction. She is the founder of A Weigh Out & Acoria Binge Eating Disorder Treatment (1993-present), Past President of the Binge Eating Disorder Association (2011/2012), and Co-Founder of the Academy for Eating Disorders Special Interest Group on “Health at Every Size”, ellen@aweighout.com, 513-321-4242.

Weight and Health Risks Get All Mixed Up!

Weight Stigma Awareness WeekWe’re approaching the Binge Eating Disorder Association’s Weight Stigma Awareness Week 2014 (Sept. 22-26th), Again, this year, I’m honored to be a Featured Blogger. To get the conversation started early, here’s my WSAW post from last year. It’s about weight and health risks getting all mixed up.


Ever notice that weight loss is celebrated, even when the way it was achieved was clearly unhealthy?

On the TV show “Extreme Weight Loss” a young woman is encouraged to lose 100+ lbs. in three months. At weigh-in , she’s down 108 lbs. In Phase Two, the next three months, she’s told to lose another 60 lbs. But her insanely rapid weight loss has begun to slow. She gets sick. She tells the camera she’s afraid she can’t lose 60 more pounds in time for her next public weigh in, as ordered by her trainer. Now, feeling desperate, she is eating more than she has been told to eat and has started to purge. We hear her vomiting off camera…

My 82 year old mother recently experienced a significant weight loss; the result of an undiagnosed adverse reaction to a medication. After eating almost nothing for a month, my Mom is malnourished, weak, and has muscle deterioration. She can barely stand. Still, my cousin says, “Well, at least the weight loss is a good thing.” He wasn’t kidding. I also wonder if the staff at her nursing home would have sounded the alarm sooner if Mom had been in a smaller body, rather than her size 18.

Weight stigma is harmful for people of all weights, shapes, and sizes.

A client of mine, a middle-aged woman and avid jogger, tells me she is above a “healthy weight” by 15 pounds. “Currently, do you have any health problems?” I ask. She answers, “No, not yet”. I’m curious, “Who says that 15lbs. puts your health at risk?” Her response, “Everyone knows that being fat is bad for you”. She happens to be a physician.

I wish she were alone in her weight bias, but she’s certainly not…

In 2013, the American Medical Association labeled obesity “a disease”. How can that be when we now know that overweight and obesity, alone, are poor predictors of an individual’s health? In recent years, several large studies, including those from the Cooper Institute for Aerobics Research in Dallas, have shown that physically fit obese people actually have a lower incidence of heart disease and death, from all causes, than do sedentary people of “normal” weight. So, where’s the proof that weight, alone, causes disease and/or death?

Upon seeing these new emerging studies, some in the medical field scratch their heads and call this “The Obesity Paradox”. Really? What’s up with ignoring that facts; that there are a lot of fat and healthy folks out there? What makes it so hard to believe that a person can be fat, fit, and healthy? Is this just more weight bias or, hmm, could there be some economic motives at play here…like selling more pharmaceuticals and filling surgical suites?

As a coach who works by telephone, I find myself in a unique position. I never see a client’s body nor do I know what he or she happens to weigh (unless it’s brought up by them in conversation). Still, whether a size 4 or 4x, I hear the same pain, judgments, fear of being large (or larger) and therefore destined to be “unlovable” and/or “unhealthy”. Many of my clients struggle with their own personal bias; favoring thinness…while hating and blaming their non-conforming body for society’s stigmatizing and rude behavior.

I learned a long time ago that weight bias cannot be weighed on a bathroom scale. Regardless of weight, shape or size, we’re all vulnerable.

So, based on more than twenty years in the health and wellness field, here’s what I know about weight and health, and what emerging research is beginning to support. If your goal is to be as healthy as possible, and your focus is on weight, the emphasis is on the wrong syllable. When interventions are focused on weight loss, rather than on improving overall health; emotional, physical, nutritional and spiritual health, people end up feeling like they’ve failed, again, and again, and again.

We all know that diets don’t work for most. And exercise motivated by desperation to burn calories rarely continues because when people don’t lose weight as quickly as contestants on shows like “Extreme Weight Loss” and “Biggest Loser”, they feel like real losers, get disheartened, and they stop doing anything at all to get healthy.

If labeling obesity as a “disease” could lead to the types of interventions and services I see improving health in my clients, I’d be willing to bite my tongue and go with it. I’d love to see research and funding for programs that encourage mindfulness practices, self-care instead of self-loathing; hands on support to be more physically active, increased access to healthier whole food choices spaced throughout the day, better sleep habits, and the development of critically important emotional regulation skills that reduce stress, depression, anxiety, and emotional and binge eating. That could be health-promoting for people of all weights, shapes, and sizes…and varying degrees of health!

In my experience, whatever a person happens to weigh on any given day, when provided with specific, effective tools that empower them to take better care of their physical, emotional, nutritional, and spiritual health, health is more likely to improve. And, as a side note, when the emphasis shifts away from weight and toward healthy practices, a body has its best shot at finding its own natural weight, whatever that happens to be; one healthy step at a time, without dieting, diet pills, surgery, or TV shows that potentially trigger eating disorders and perpetuate weight stigma…


Ellen Shuman is an experienced Coach who specializes in helping people overcome emotional eating, compulsive eating, binge eating disorder, and food addiction. She is the founder of A Weigh Out & Acoria Binge Eating Disorder Treatment (1993-present), Past President of the Binge Eating Disorder Association (2011/2012), and Co-Founder of the Academy for Eating Disorders Special Interest Group on “Health at Every Size”, ellen@aweighout.com, 513-321-4242.

Alternative Fat Burning Trick

Bicycle Burns Fat

Best ALS Ice Bucket Challenge, Yet

Mary Beth Zolik is my best friend (and radio personality on a station called The River) and when I saw this today I just had to share it; the most creative ALS Ice Bucket Challenge I’ve seen. Her husband Terry is holding the chain (I think it’s a dog collar :-) ) and that’s my Godson Cullin with the bucket.  Enjoy…and know you too can write a check to support ALS research, without even getting wet! That’s what I’m doing. I’m sad to say my cousin Judi was recently diagnosed with ALS…

I love you Mary Beth! ( see video right after the commercial). Judi, I wish there were more we could do…


Ellen Shuman is a pioneer in the field of binge eating disorder treatment; a Coach who specializes in helping people overcome binge eating, binge eating disorder, emotional eating, compulsive eating, and food addiction. She is the founder of A Weigh Out  Life Coaching & Members’ Circle, Acoria Binge Eating Disorder Treatment (1993-present). She is a Past President of the Binge Eating Disorder Association (2011/2012), and Co-Founder of the Academy for Eating Disorders Special Interest Group on “Health at Every Size”,

Diet Advice Backfires

Diet Advice

I Love My Body; One Woman’s Spiritual Journey to Acceptance

People ask me what recovery looks like. Here’s an example; the experience of the courageous Audrey MacKnight, in her own words…

Love Your Body, Walk the Camino

Audrey on The Camino

On Jan 1, 2014, I made a New Year’s decision (after a serious night of celebration!) to join a friend of mine on a pilgrimage in Spain on the Camino de Santiago. After seeing the movie “The Way” I was very inspired. I asked my husband if he thought I would be able to make such a journey. I am a 51 year old woman who had never back-packed or hiked anywhere and who, in the past, would have been much more likely to make a New Year’s Resolution about losing 60 pounds!

Being his usual supporting loving self, he said, “You have 6 months to prepare… of course you can do it!” So I decided that if I was able to get on the same flight as the six other people planning to make the trek, then that would be a sign from God that I should go. I got a reservation on that flight. Gulp!

I ordered books about preparing for the Camino, consulted hiking experts, began buying necessary equipment; a backpack, boots, sleeping bag, etc., and started seeing how far I could walk. Initially, I started off with 2-3 mile journeys; building up to over 10 mile walks on the weekends.

I was about to participate in what I hoped would be one of the most spiritual experiences of my 51 years, but as the time grew closer, I became hyper focused on “weight”. All of the books I was reading stressed limiting the weight you had to carry – in your pack and on your body. I had lost about 15 pounds, just following the training routine and eating healthfully, but I became obsessed that I wasn’t taking weight off fast enough. It seemed the more I worried, the more my weight stayed the same or crept up. I guess that is the law of attraction at work. You attract what you think about most; good or bad.

In the weeks leading up to the trip I just had this broken record in my head that said, ” I’m too fat to make this hike in Spain…it’s crazy, people will laugh at me…” I’d wake up every morning in fear that I would not be able to keep up with the group. Would they be annoyed with me for slowing them down or would they leave me behind? Would I be humiliated; would they look at me and think this doughy middle-aged woman has no business making such a journey? My anxiety got so high, I seriously considered cancelling my trip. I didn’t want to face the possibility of ridicule or failure. But I didn’t want to miss out on this opportunity of a lifetime because of fear, either…

Four days before my departure I decided to reach out to Ellen Shuman. She had always been a trusted advisor and coach. I knew if anyone could talk me down from the emotional ledge I was perched on, it would be Ellen. I was so very glad she was able to find some time in her schedule to talk to me.

Initially, our phone call began with me trying to tell her all about my doubts and fears. Just a few minutes in she asked if I had some extra time that morning, and if so would I be willing to try something new; a self- hypnosis technique. I immediately agreed. It turned out to be so very fantastic!

She asked me to identify how I was feeling—and then how I wanted to see myself on this trip, instead. We agreed that what I wanted was absolutely possible and beneficial. Ellen then asked me to come up with an image that represented how I wanted to be on the walk. I visualized myself as a brook, bubbling and flowing over rocks and over any obstacle that presented itself; calmly and happily progressing on my journey. Instead of focusing on my worries, I thought of myself as prepared, capable and ready for this trip. I could vividly imagine what being in that Cathedral at the Pilgrim’s mass at the end of The Camino would be like.

Then she asked me to come up with a memory from my past; a time when I felt judged and ridiculed for being fat. I was surprised that a memory came up immediately. It was soon after I was married, on a trip with other couples. I recalled that I thought the other wives looked like “beauty queens”; much thinner than I. I felt shame when we had to give our weight to the guys renting us the jet skis. I weighed the most. Oddly, at the time I was a perfect size 8.

Ellen walked me through that memory in a way that, by the end, I couldn’t even remember why that incident had any negative emotion for me, whatsoever. I just remembered all the fun I had on the jet skis with those women. LOL, no one wanted me to get off the jet sky because I was “too fat”. In fact, the woman I was with on my jet ski, when offered the chance to change partners, said “no”. She was having too much fun with me to switch. But, I had previously remembered that day only with a great deal of shame, around my weight, and it was driving my anxiety about this upcoming trip, without me even knowing it.

Ellen explained to me that it was as if I had an old program open and running in my brain. It was effecting how my brain was working in prep for this new trip, even though I was not even aware that that old program and others like it were open and impacting me today. We closed that program, just like you can close an open program on a computer that’s having memory issues! It was so amazing!

While I was actually making the hike on the Camino, my weight was the furthest thing from my mind. I smiled as the initial part of my walk took me past an actual bubbling brook and the positive images and words Ellen and I created to represent this trip repeating in my brain.

The trip turned out to be more of EVERYTHING I could have imagined. More difficult, more wonderful, more solitary, and more grueling. I hiked 128.9 kilometers (80 miles) of the 133.6 Kilometer journey in the first 5 days, carrying a 19 pound pack. WHEW! The longest day was 32 Kilometers/19.2 miles with temperatures reaching 102 degrees! The final 5.5 hours of that day was UP a mountain side! I thought I would need a portable defibrillator!

I did pretty well physically though. I got some blisters, but they didn’t keep me from finishing. The steep up hills and down hills are tough on the knees; so I was VERY proud to have made it, unscathed!

Arriving in Santiago de Compostela was one of the most moving experiences of my adult life. The cathedral there is one of the most sacred places for Christians (next to the Vatican and Jerusalem). I was moved to tears just being there. I was so overwhelmed that I didn’t stop crying for 30 minutes.

99.9% of the people I met along the way were AWESOME; the food was great, the accommodations were much better than I’d imagined (I was lucky to go with someone who’d made the journey before). Never has a vacation left me so depleted of negativity, spiritually energized and renewed–and grateful to be alive! I gained a different sort of perspective on the world and my place in it. I let go of all the trivial things that used to get me emotionally fired up and I pray I am able to continue to see the best in people and circumstances around me and in myself.

Ellen had always told me that healthy bodies come in all sizes and shapes. I now really deeply understand what she meant. I love my body; all size 16/18 of it! I thank God for my strong legs, healthy body, and fabulous curves. I saw lots of seemingly fit and thin people of all ages who were not able to finish the journey due to severe blisters on their feet, knee problems, sunburns, even broken bones from a fall. Carrying a bit more weight did not keep me from my destination, my journey; nor was it even important.

When I got back home, on the way to work, I turned on the radio in my car. The first conversation I heard was about what to eat for breakfast to be thin. It seemed so silly to me, I had to immediately turn it off.

Today, I fuel my body healthfully, work hard, and enjoy every moment of the day. I can’t stop smiling. When I talk about the trip to my family and friends, I am still moved to tears. I will never loathe my body or wish I were skinny, again, or step on a scale to help me assess my worth. Oddly, my clothes are fitting better every day. There’s that law of attraction again.

I encourage anyone who might read this to honestly love yourself and don’t postpone your life’s activities until the scale reads the magic number you’ve been longing for. I worked hard to get here (Ellen will tell you that’s so), but the destination is so worth the journey. I am so very grateful to Ellen Shuman for her wise counsel, innovative thinking, and ability to cut through the muck. Her use of this self-hypnosis technique with me was precisely what I needed to clear the old memory out, along with the entrenched and false emotions tied to it. I made room for some fabulous new ones!



Ellen Shuman is a pioneer in the field of binge eating disorder treatment; a Coach who specializes in helping people overcome binge eating, binge eating disorder, emotional eating, compulsive eating, and food addiction. She is the founder of A Weigh Out  Life Coaching & Members’ Circle, Acoria Binge Eating Disorder Treatment (1993-present). She is a Past President of the Binge Eating Disorder Association (2011/2012), and Co-Founder of the Academy for Eating Disorders Special Interest Group on “Health at Every Size”, ellen@aweighout.com, 513-321-4242.

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